A rewarding trip

This weekend, Paul and I took a Friday evening through Wednesday night trek down to San Diego and back to find an apartment and for Paul to take a Math Placement Exam at UC San Diego. What a rewarding trip! We were both admittedly nervous and hesitant on our way down there because that far of a move is going to be difficult for us. I kept saying, "I really don't want to move here .... " I'll be honest, up until this weekend, I was still extremely regretful that we won't be going to UC Santa Barbara. Thankfully, we now both feel really good about the school, our new home, and new upcoming life down there. But let me start from the beginning:)

Everything "promising" we had found on Craigslist ended up being either in the ghetto of San Diego (Imperial Beach area for any of you who know San Diego at all), or ridiculously small for the price (I'm sorry, but 400 sq. ft. for $850 is not a good deal). We actually had one lady in Imperial Beach show us the apartment and then turn and say, "Look, I would love to rent to you. Renters like you are ideal. But I have to be honest, this is NOT the neighborhood for you."

So basically, I spent hours on Craigslist the night before just to have to throw away the whole list, which was extremely frustrating. It was also frustrating to us because we realized that our budget of less than $800 was extremely unrealistic unless we wanted to drive over an hour to school everyday (which would quickly be made up in gas money, anyway).

We sat in a yogurt shop we found (one of two we went to with free wi-fi this weekend! Gotta love it:) and scoured rent.com, mynewplace.com, Craigslist - you name it, we looked at it. We even drove around the streets and called random numbers on buildings and looked up complexes online that had looked decent from the street. Pretty much everything in decently safe areas was upwards of 11-1200 dollars, for still relatively small apartments (around 600 sq. ft.) We also began to be discouraged because it was Saturday evening, and most complexes aren't open on Sundays, which basically felt like we'd be wasting an entire day of searching.

The next day, we found a few places that were open and dropped by to see the apartments. We found a place near San Diego State (NOT UC San Diego, mind!) that looked promising. The drive would be about 25 minutes (even in traffic, which we checked Monday morning when we thought we were going to go through with it) but it was a really beautiful, well-kept complex, and ONLY 1000/mo. We also drove up to Escondido and looked at an equally beautiful place there that would be 950 ... but, as the manager there convinced us of, the drive to La Jolla would, in traffic, be upwards of an hour. 

We were also almost scammed. An unbelievable deal came up on Craigslist that morning for the most luxurious, beautiful apartment in La Jolla (studios there start at around 1500 usually). It was only 700 dollars and had a huge kitchen, huge living room, etc. etc.! ... And turned out to be someone in West Africa trying to scam us. Very disappointing, again. 

By that evening, we decided we'd give it a couple hours looking more on Monday, but that we were most likely going to go with the place near SDSU that we'd seen. When the drive, even during traffic, seemed really doable, we called the Complex and told them we'd be by with our deposit and credit check fee in a few hours.

After getting breakfast, getting lost in downtown San Diego, we finally found a branch of our bank around 1230. While in line, another complex called me back, but I turned down the $900, 430 sq. ft. place. As soon as I ended my call, a man turned around and said, "Excuse me, you're looking for a 1 bed, 1 bath? I own several buildings and have some rentals open if you're interested." Paul and I took his number and the addresses and prices and decided that we shouldn't leave any stone unturned. We went to look and decided the outside of the townhouse we were interested looked good, and so we called the man and asked him if he could come show it to us. He said he was at ATT getting a new phone and would we mind waiting a half an hour or so? Paul said that was fine ... but as about half an hour passed, I said, "Let's just go ... it's probably not going to work out anyway, and we've already got our money ready for the other place ... this is ridiculous."But Paul was insistent that we at least look.

I'm glad we did! The townhouse is a little more expensive than the place we were going to rent, but more utilities are paid, which evens up the cost right there. It's also in the heart of the social area of San Diego, in Hillcrest/Midtown area, where there are two of our favorite grocery stores, our bank, and basically any kind of food we could ever want, all within walking distance. We're also near Balboa Park, the San Diego Zoo, and (the best part, according to my family ;) within a 40 minute walk to Filippi's Pizza Grotto! The townhouse is, according to the current tenant, VERY quiet. He said he's never heard any of his neighbors, and it helps that the floor beneath our bedroom is our own living room. Our neighbors will be a med resident and a law student, so they are very quiet, if they're even home at all. We have two floors, and two balconies that overlook the city. The area is safe, and we even have an assigned, underground, gated parking space (which is especially comforting to us Modestans - this morning, about ten cars in our complex were broken into. Luckily, we were not, but we are looking forward to the added security!)

Possibly the best part of this townhouse is the UCSD shuttle that is only two blocks away. It is FREE for us as UCSD students, runs every twenty minutes, and will save us not only in gas, but $600 minimum on parking for a parking pass, and a lot of time we would have wasted looking for a parking space! We are very excited about our new home!

Paul's placement test was also rewarding. Because Paul hasn't taken math in about a year, we were both worried he wouldn't remember enough to be placed into pre-calculus, which would be his next course if he was staying at MJC... you'd think that since he finished the pre-requisite into pre-calc that UCSD would just accept that, but they still require the placement test. I read a book at the library while he took his test, and when he was finished, he said he thought he did well on the parts he could remember. He said he'd only done about 2/3 of the test but that he thought he'd gotten all of the ones he'd done, correct. I was happy for him and said it'd probably be fine. Since there are Calculus-ready questions on the test, too, then if he couldn't do those, it was fine and he'd get into pre-calculus.

We were finally able to see the results last night, and ... ! He was actually placed into either the lower level calculus (which is for certain majors) or the higher placed pre-calculus that goes into the higher calculus. At UCSD, there are two routes you can take. The lower level pre- and calculus classes, or the higher level of the same that are for different majors (such as chemistry, math majors, etc. I am so proud of him that he placed into a calculus course at all, when he should just be heading into pre-calculus! He will probably actually go the higher route either way, even if his major doesn't necessarily need it (although we're fairly sure he does since he is a bio-chem major) because you can't go wrong with the higher math class. Either way, like I said, I am very proud of him!

All in all, it was a very rewarding trip. As much frustration and worry and hesitancy that we felt, we are excited to start our new life down there. We plan to move the 28th of this month, and it is coming up fast! It's already August 5, so that is just barely three weeks away! Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us, and please continue to pray for us as we make this next HUGE step in our lives!

May and June so far

May and June have been really busy months so far. Man, I thought I was busy taking 22 units last semester, but I feel like time has really flown since we've been out of school (since April 29). Here's a brief look at what our lives have been like in the last six weeks.

Since May 1, I've been working for my mom and stepdad listing items on their e-Bay store. It's been fun working with my mom and my new friend, Emily, who also works for my mom. A little extra money to pay bills and save for school hasn't been bad either=)

Their e-Bay store

Also on May 1, we found out that Paul was not accepted to UCSB, and we will be going to UC San Diego in the fall! We are both a little disappointed, but know it will still be great. To be honest, though, we're both a little tired of hearing, "But San Diego is so nice!" We know, but we think Santa Barbara is nicer=) Maybe grad school... Paul will be going in for his biology degree, and I will be getting my history degree. Paul is pursuing physical therapy, and I'd like to get a doctorate in history to be a professor. Here's to our first big step!

Paul and I took a Sunday for ourselves to go to Yosemite (May 16). It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed a day off together enjoying God's creation. We made sure to take a few good pictures while we were there=)

Paul's 24th birthday was also this month! (Like I said, we've been busy). We were supposed to go to Great America that day, but the weather (as I'm sure everyone knows) has been weird everywhere this year and we were unable to go due to the rain. We ended up staying in town, going to the Elephant Bar for lunch, and buying new computers. Haha! Yep. 

With our new Macbooks that we bought for school, we also got free iPod touches. Sa-weeeeet!

My brother came up from SLO to surprise Paul for his birthday

Feeding 20-some people takes a lot of food (and work!)

He's so cute=)

Paul was also off Memorial Day, which was really nice to have a day to run errands and do random things together! With Paul's birthday money, we bought something we've wanted for about a year now... We played for a few nights in a row but both got pretty sore. Paul is starting to play for the ward Softball League for the summer, so I'm glad he has something fun to do outside of work! 

We also went to two weddings and a graduation in May! Congratulations to Steve and Breanne, and Brenden and Hannah, and Kaitlynn (Paul's sister) on her high school graduation. Saturdays in May and June are busy busy with graduations, weddings, and a lot of birthdays...

So far, June has been a good month, too. The sun finally seems ready to permanently quit hiding behind clouds and rain (thank goodness!!!) and summer is off to a good start. Last Saturday the 5, we went to Great America with Steve and Breanne. It was really fun to go scream our heads off with our newlywed friends=)

Like I said, we've been busy and time has been flying, and I probably left out a few things without meaning to. We have a lot more fun things planned this summer with friends before moving! BBQs, parties, lake trips, another Great America trip, visits to So-Cal to see my sister's family, etc, etc=) Looking forward to the next few months!

A few thoughts about school and moving on

Here I am ... it's after 1 in the morning, and rather than being fast asleep in my bed, I am writing on my blog. Rather than let my occasional bout of insomnia get to me, I figured I may as well finally pen the thoughts that have been going in my mind lately about school and moving on to bigger things. A lot of people probably won't even care to read this, so I won't be offended if you stop here :)

School is really important to me. I never thought it would be this important, but it has become a major part of my life, a major part of my self-worth and well-being, and a major part of my best days. When I was in high school, I still got good grades - in fact, the only class I didn't receive an A in was my Spanish class my senior year that I ditched most of. But I didn't have plans for college. Halfway through my junior year, I had considered going to beauty college instead ... but somehow that never worked out. When I did decide my senior year to try going to college, I applied to a private Christian school in southern California (The Master's College). Though I was accepted and received an 8,000 dollar scholarship, finances would still be unattainable unless I was willing to take out more than 20,000 a YEAR in loans. I didn't even reply to the school, and gave up once more on the idea of college. MJC was NEVER an option. I always considered myself above that, even though I had considered beauty college ... the Spanish class I had taken my freshman year of high school had made me recognize MJC for what it was - a big, oversized high school with a bunch of kids who just hadn't grown up yet.

As most of you know, my life changed, and I ended up applying for BYU Idaho, and, of course, got in. Though I disagreed with some of the rules there (known as the honor code, there is a dress code portion that says you cannot wear flipflops, capris, or sweats on campus, which I thought was ridiculous), my teachers were phenomenal. Each of them cared deeply for not only my educational well-being, but for my emotional, physical, and mental well-being as well. One example: I was particularly sick for about two weeks in March of 2008 with pneumonia. Having missed several classes, as well as having had an emotional breakdown where I quit my job and almost moved home, I took a midterm for psychology and received a C- -- about 35 points down from my first test. On Monday, after I'd decided to stay in school, my psychology professor, Matthew Whoolery, (who was also my advisor since my declared major was, for some reason, psychology) called me into his office and talked to me for over 45 minutes about how life was going, and what he could do for me. He said he was really surprised my grade had dropped so much, and that he wanted to know how he could help me make sure I could still do my best in the class. After explaining everything to him, he offered to drop the test grade, and average my other test scores in its place. In addition to this extraordinary kindness, he just kept chatting with me until he knew I felt better about my situation, even telling me some fun books to read, and about his experiences in Egypt.

However, great as my teachers were in Idaho, the weather was not, and I came back to California and got married, where we decided to stay.

Fast forward to Spring of 2009. Though I was working 30 hours a week during the daytime hours, I decided at the last minute to take some classes at MJC, though school had already been in session for a week. I was able to add two classes that Paul was also taking. Though I enjoyed one of my teachers (who later became a mentor for me that wrote me a letter of recommendation ... but I'll get to that later :), I overall disliked MJC. It still had that immature, high school feeling to me, and I couldn't shake my discomfort of all the gang banger types swaggering around campus.

The beginning of August came around. My job hadn't been going so well; for months I had been so depressed and stressed that I would come home crying 2-3 times a week. I suddenly knew that I couldn't just work an office job making less than ten dollars an hour for much longer. It was time to move on. I decided that I would go back to school, and after setting everything in motion, registered for twenty units, and quit my job. My last day was August 28, and school started the 31.

It was amazing, when I really gave MJC a shot, how much I loved it. Within two weeks, my self-worth increased, and my depression literally disappeared. I was doing something to better myself, rather than working a stagnant job with no hope of progress. I started to have that fire in me again for doing well. My teachers' approval and encouragement meant the world to me. A's on my papers and margin notes saying, "good job!" made me glow more than most things in my life ever had.

My major had been undetermined up until this point. After one semester at BYU Idaho, I decided to change my major from psychology to English. But then I'd had a particularly annoying English teacher for creative writing, and decided that though I loved to write, I could write about other things. It was at MJC I found my niche. I had a history teacher, Professor Vallance, that made history come alive. I had always been interested in European history, but she not only made me love European history, but love Asian history as well. I had another teacher as well that made a huge difference to me; Professor Miller, who I mentioned above from a previous semester, was my political theory teacher. He, too, encouraged me and guided me until I decided exactly what I plan to do.

I figured out that semester that writing about history and political science and theory, and their correlations together is not only easy for me, but incredibly exciting! I found such joy from going from my world history class to my political theory class and being able to draw conclusions and correlations and causes and effects and on and on that I would talk to random people about how amazing everything fit together!

When school ended and winter break was here, I got so bored. I was ready to go back to school and take my 22 units! Advanced English, math, biology, three history classes, speech! I was ready to conquer. I was, however, a little dismayed I would have to take math again. I thought I had finished my math requirements at BYU Idaho, but it hadn't transferred to California schools for some reason. My first week of school, I appealed to the dean of mathematics to take my math class and give me the credits, but he turned me down. I also spoke to my professor, Heidi Meyer, about it, but she too said that the class would be different and that I probably needed to take it.

So, while I was excited about, well, most of my other classes (I'm not really a big biology fan, though I still have an A in the class), I was pretty disappointed I was taking math. But I needed it to transfer, and I planned to do my best. Within one week, I was so enthralled with math that I called my brother, the math nerd (compliment), every Tuesday and Thursday after class and told him all of the amazingly cool things I had learned about math! Fractals, tessellations, graph theory, math history, number theory! I couldn't get enough somehow ... It is amazing how a great teacher can change your outlook on everything.

This past November, I applied to UC Santa Barbara (as well as UC San Diego and a few CSU's) for their history department, though I plan to either double major in political science, or definitely minor in it. I have high goals for myself now. I don't plan to just stop at a bachelor's degree. I want to be that professor at a junior college that reignites the student that gave up to early. I want to be that professor that makes history and political science come alive! I plan on getting my doctorate in history, specifically an emphasis in French history, and someday making that dream of helping other students become more than just a goal, but a reality. But history isn't my only interest now - I want to take another math class because I've learned how exciting it can be! I want to learn more about the sciences and how "stuff" works. I want to take more speech classes and improve my fairly natural skills.

As I'm on my last week at MJC, I find myself growing sad. I am moving on to better, more exciting places! UC Santa Barbara (or possibly San Diego if for some reason Santa Barbara doesn't work ... but that's another story) is one of the top rated schools in not only California, but in the country! But I can't help but feel that I will miss the amazing teachers I've had this semester. I've already written much more than I'd planned to regarding my education, but I could fill several more paragraphs talking about all of the incredible teachers I've had - Professor Lunt for Western Civ, Professor Zermeno for Biology, Professor Sahlman for Speech and Debate, Professor Higginbottham for International Relations, Professor Netto for English ... and of course, Professors Vallance, Miller, and Meyer that I've already mentioned. These people, especially the last three, have cared deeply for my well-being, my education, and how I'm doing in life in general. And the people I've met at MJC have become good friends as well, and I will miss the friends I've made and seeing them on a near-daily basis. I may have never wanted to go to MJC, but I am so glad that I did.


So here I am, more than half an hour later, and I'm still rambling on about my college education. If you're still here, I applaud you. Tell me who you are so I know you're on of my true friends - you'd have to be to have read all of this! But I guess if anyone was to have read and gone away with one thing from all of this, it is this:

Don't give up. I never had plans to go to college, but it is thanks to wonderful teachers and mentors that I am where I am today, with goals to get a doctorate and become like those amazing people. As cliche as this sounds, go for your goals. Do what makes you happy. If you're in a job you can't stand, or if you're in a place where you just need something different, go to school. Take out a loan if you have to, but do something to better yourself. It will be worth it. It has changed my life, and I am so, so glad I gave my goals a chance.

Adventures of Being a Student/Housewife - Part 1

This week, I received an invitation in the mail for a friend's bridal shower. Included was a request for a favorite recipe to pass along to the new bride. As I was filling it out I thought, I should have done this for my bridal shower... But, thanks to Facebook, I was still able to get a few new recipes just merely by putting a request in my status update. One of the first responders, Becca, gave me a recipe for Arroz con Pollo which I decided to try first.

But before starting to cook, I had to do a few things first...

First, I decided to make a cookbook of all the recipes I'd received. I actually started this book over a year ago, but hadn't really done much to it. But here is the ongoing project ...

Paul laughed at me because I am not a very crafty person and I stapled the labels on the inside separating the different types of recipes:)

Tuesday evening, I found out many of my classes were cancelled Wednesday and looked forward to a day of grocery shopping and cleaning for a break from the daily grind of homework. After making my cookbook, I created a dinner list for the next week and a half (since I started on a Wednesday, I figured I should go all the way through the next week.)

I realized later that I got a little too ambitious with my meal planning. I made the first meal and realized it would be enough for at least two evening meals and a lunch, too :) That said, I made my shopping list (which took a lot longer than I thought it would!) and called my mom to see if she'd like to go shopping with me.

Now I know some of my family (*coughJessicacough*) will be annoyed that I went shopping at Walmart ... but what can I say? They have a lot of good deals. I do try to avoid shopping at Walmart when I can, but when your budget is as limited as ours, 35 cents or more off a can of garbanzo beans, and 2.50 for a bag of 4 fish filets ... well, it's a necessary evil. 

After 3 hours of shopping, the trunk of my car was packed!

When I arrived home, I put away all the groceries and cleaned the house even though I was pooped just from the shopping! But I had to take my opportunity to get everything done while I had some free time. By the time I got ready to roll around to cooking, I was ready to give it all up and just go out to eat instead:) But I was already pretty committed to trying out my new recipe, I went ahead and started going for it.

This recipe, Arroz con Pollo, is from my friend Becca.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups rice
2 cups water + 1 extra cup, set aside
2 bunches cilantro, well rinsed and chopped
1 small potato, peeled and cubed
1 cup frozen peas and carrots
3 boneless skinless chicken breasts
3 cubes chicken bouillon

First, chop up your potato into small cubes, and a liberal amount of cilantro. The cilantro does not need to be too well chopped because it will be put into the blender soon :) 

To cook:

Spray a medium sized saucepan (with tight fitting lid) and set to medium heat. Once pan is hot, add rice and stir so rice toasts a bit. Add the potato. At the same time, put cilantro and 2 cups of water in a blender and mix well.

Pour over rice/potato and let sit. Place extra cup of water in microwave with 3 cubes of bouillon for 1 minute. Mix well and pour over rice/potato mixture. To cook mixture, let it slowly come to a boil and once little craters appear and most of liquid is gone, cover and turn to low. Boiling should take about 10 minutes. Continue covered for 5 minutes, adding peas and carrots, and then continuing for an additional 5 (10 minutes total.)

Yum;)

As rice cooks, you'll have time to make the chicken. Cut each breast into two or 3 pieces. Salt and pepper to your liking. I sautee breasts in olive oil, but any cooking oil will work. Usually only takes about 5 minutes per side, turning once.

The finished product:

And the best part? A happy husband, eating a good meal in a clean home!

On the Moon

About two weeks ago, I got an email from UCSB with the subject line, "ADMISSIONS UPDATE."

This is it!!! I thought ... but it wasn't. I opened it up, and all it said was, "We know you are anxious to hear of your admission status. We are working very diligently and will be releasing freshmen and some transfer student admission statuses beginning March 22 at 4 P.M. This round will continue on until May 1. Thank you!" ... Argh.


But, the overly excited and impatient person I am, decided to check today. I logged on, or well, tried to, at 3:55. "This website is currently down for maintenance until 4 P.M. Pacific Time. We are sorry for any inconvenience." Whatever, I thought, it's fairly unlikely I will even know this early anyway since it is supposed to be mainly freshman letters.


But again, being the overly excited and impatient person I am, I decided to check at 3:59 ... you know, just in case the website happened to be up a minute early. Dang. It wasn't. So I went back to writing an outline for my paper ... for two minutes, and checked at 4:01. Here is what I saw:

(Note: Actually this isn't what I saw. I just did this screen shot and the actual acceptance letter isn't there anymore since I already did my intent to enroll. But I'm sure you get the point:)

At this point, I started shaking. The adrenaline was pumping. I dropped my phone at least twice in the process of making a few phone calls, and the smile was so big on my face that apparently I had a temporary speech impediment.

Of course, I immediately signed the intent to enroll, paid my $100 non-refundable deposit, and bought track pants and a t-shirt that say UCSB on them. Two months ago, I begged Paul to buy me a UCSB sweatshirt while we toured the campus, and he said, "I'll buy you one the day you get admitted." Well, summer is coming so I bought something I can wear to the gym instead:)

YAY! The only thing we're waiting for now is Paul's acceptance! And even if for some reason it doesn't work out, he got into CSU Channel Islands and we'll be headed on down to Santa Barbara at the end of summer!

You've Got to Be Serious

So concluding today, I took my sonnet to my English class for a workshop (basically a peer edit group). My two partners loved it, and the guy even said that he was planning on reading it again later when he had more time. I was finally encouraged. I had written this poem that I really liked, and felt as though maybe I really could get by with this creative writing class.

Then my teacher walked by.

Looking over my partner's shoulder, he said, "You're trying too hard. Why is it so archaic? You're trying to be poetic, and ... eh, it just doesn't work for me. Maybe if you can try being normal contemporary type, that might work, but trying to sound poetic makes it not very good."

What.

The.

Crap.

Seriously. Am I supposed to throw my voice away so I can take on his just to appease him?

That's what has been suggested by a few people -- but I'd rather fight the system than give up the beautiful, olde tyme language I am used to assimilating into my various expressions of writing, whether they be poetry, journal entries, or essays. My last semester's English teacher said that the best way to write well is to write like yourself!

So. Maybe... I won't make it through this class.

At least, the one redeeming part of this day is, when the teacher walked away, my group said, "It's ok. We don't like him either."

A Fun Activity

So I'm home sick (again) today and was working on some homework. One of the resources for our creative writing class includes a webpage filled with writing experiments. I did one that is called an Acrostic Poem. What you do is pick a random book and take the title. For each letter in each word, go to the page number in the book that corresponds (a=1, z=26) and copy as a line the first word that begins with that letter to the end of the phrase or sentence. It was a lot of fun!!

I decided I would try this experiment with The Scarlet Pimpernel. Here is what I came up with:

“The Scarlet Pimpernel”

Take up arms, because one set of Frenchmen chose to murder another
Horror for the loathsome malady—
Express contempt for the comrade’s stupidity.

Smugglers brought snatches of news from over the water—
Catching an aristo in the very act of trying to flee.
A surging, seething murmuring crowd of beings that are only human in name
Round the corners of thin lips
Looking cheerful and cozy in the extreme
Express contempt for the comrade’s stupidity—
Take up arms, because one set of Frenchmen chose to murder another.

Pardon me
In a corner—
Moisture trickling down the windowpanes—
Pardon me—
Express contempt for the comrade’s stupidity,
Round the corners of thin lips:
Now one of these persons I shall see
Express contempt for their comrade’s stupidity—
Looking cheerful and cozy in the extreme.

These experiments are fun to do:) I even get to turn it in for credit! If you're ever bored, or just feel like being creative, this is a fun way to cheat:) I also was inspired as I looked at other assignments I could do with this class and decided to try to write a sonnet.

In our sonnet assignment, we had to follow the traditional rules of 14 lines, strict rhyming scheme, iambic pentameter (look it up on wikipedia if you don't know what that is -- I had to), and a volta (or turn). After looking up some of Emily Dickinson's poems for fun, I came up with the topic of mermaids for some reason and this is my first draft of my sonnet:

“Mermaid’s Jewels”
I stare at the glassy sea in the morn
In the summer sun’s sil’vry daybreak rise
Shimmering jewels to be all adorned—
Mermaids shall find their vanity’s demise.
In a world of watery, shallow lies,
In hope to build trivial self-esteem,
Hidden in sunlight’s clever, cru’el guise,
Perhaps they shall reach out to touch a dream—
Only to find beauty not quite as it seemed .
But as I look down, upon all of this
Perchance it is I, who needs be redeemed.
For with mine eye I regard Mermaid’s bliss,
Hands gracefully reaching t’ward the sun,
Her enjoyment, fulfillment ever won.

Anyway, let me know what you think -- if you like it, hate it, love it... whatever:)

I'm Beginning to Wonder...

I'm beginning to wonder if... this Creative Writing class just isn't for me. Maybe it isn't so much the teacher; maybe it is just me. I'm not really sure. I've always considered myself a good writer, but when I sit in that class, I just feel out of my element.

First of all, as I've said before, I feel as though everything I write isn't good enough, is completely uninteresting, or is just plain not what the teacher likes. Am I the only one that faces this woe? It certainly seems so. Secondly, today is a good example of why I don't feel like this is my type of writing --

"Let's do a practice exercise. Write 1 paragraph about the physical characteristics of a character you have been working on for a while."

I blankly sit and stare at my paper. A character I've been working on for a while? Right... I finally wrote something down, but it was basically just the dark version of how I view myself.

"Next, write down your character's mental, spiritual, emotional traits."

Now I am just making things up. I go off of how my dark character looks and make up random words that seem to match her hair color.

"What are a few mistakes your character needs to make in order for your story to work?"

Story? What story? Have I been thinking of a story for all of these years also? Whatever. Definitely not me, but the character makes the mistake of crashing her car because she drives home drunk.


Wow. Really, I felt like the weirdo in that class. We broke up into groups and talked about our "well-thought" characters, and this girl starts talking about how she has had this character, and written about this character since she was 14. The character's physical appearance is well-developed, and she knows her inside and out. She is a medieval character, masculine... not quite gorgeous but beautiful in her own way....

Right. And my story is just a grown up version of what I wrote about in 5th grade.

Honestly, I love reading. I also love writing. Just not this type of writing. Maybe fictional stories just aren't my forte and I have to wait until we get into creative non-fiction. I'm not sure. All I know is that it makes no sense to me that, while I can write any academic essay and impress a crowd, I don't even enjoy making up things that can't possibly be true. Not that I don't enjoy them; as I said, I love to read. The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Twilight are all exceptional books in my opinion -- yet completely, utterly ridiculous from a real-world standpoint. Personally, I like making satire of the reality of everyday life.

Anyway, it's obviously far, far too late to drop this class; and even if I could, if English does continue to be my major, I'll have to stick it through sometime. But what if I do end up changing my major, again? Eh, oh well. I guess it isn't a complete waste of time.

A Rough Draft

I know that I said in my last post's comment that I don't enjoy writing poetry... However, after spending the last ... oh 7 or 8 hours on this poem, I've come to the conclusion that it can be enjoyable. Something I've learned from a book I've been reading lately is that when you write, write for yourself. Your biggest reward in writing isn't what others think, good or bad, but what you yourself think of it. This poem, I really like. I hope you do as well:)

(Criticism and thoughts gladly accepted.... IF you're not anonymous!)

“Convert’s Song”


Damp the air
With golden globes of summer’s soft sun rays,
Clutching crucifix on breast
The man cried convert’s song


Holding my conch I called
The whale
To open wide
His mouth,
To take me, save me
Belly deep-
Redeem my solemn soul.


But then I saw another sight
A beauty tempting me
Soft white upon the shore, the lace-
Mistress’ sheer gown


I nearly turned away from truth,
My back to ward the sun,
Yet reason came within the wind,
My mind then wondered again.


Once more I looked upon that man
Mysterious and strange was he,
Yet somehow I knew he held the truth
A solution, this could be.


“Dear man,” I called
My heart raced quick
“What is this song you sing?”
With trepidation in my step,
I tread to hear his cause.


A smile danced upon his lips,
Resounding words he spoke,
Carried unto my spirit’s core,
They pierced my fragile heart.


He told me how to rid my soul
Of all my life long pains
He said I could have peace in Christ
And eternities pure and full.


With resolve, I bowed my head
I never questioned him,
I was assured it was the way-
The way that I must go.


And now I cry a grateful tune,
Of my redeemer’s love,
That joy I shall forever sing
That hymn called Convert’s Song.

(May 5, 2008)

Something Different

Something I am not quite accustomed to has been happening lately. I've been taking a creative writing class, something I thought I would enjoy, and yet so far I have been confused the past few classes. Throughout my career as a student with writing assignments, since fifth grade in fact, teachers and peers alike have praised my work as "very accomplished". Lately I have been almost annoyed and hurt, yet, to my benefit, humbled somewhat.

Today we did what is called a poem imitation. We had to imitate this poem in every way we could besides using all of the actual words:

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

   -- William Carlos Williams

This was my version...

I have questioned
the thoughts
that were in
your black eyes

and which
you had probably
never
meant to share

Forgive me
you are intriguing
so sweet
yet so cold


My teacher said to me, "It's ok... it's kind of too abstract... and not enough sensory images. You need to add more..."

Well, I'm sorry I like to write about emotion rather than "the tree is green."

Here is another example that I'm slightly confused about because I've never had this reaction after I read something in class:

*shrug of the shoulders* "Yeah.... ok... pretty good.... Any other volunteers?"

Now it's not that the teacher is unresponsive. Shortly after my apparently pathetic offering, someone else will raise their hand. In my opinion, their work is not much greater than mine, and yet the teacher laughs and praises them with much enjoyment.

I honestly don't get it -- partly because, in my last class, my college level teacher thought I was 100% material. She found my writing extremely creative and poetic, and told me so many times. In contrast, I feel as though I am completely uninteresting to this teacher. I feel as though he thinks I am bottom-rung fish-food as far as the world of writing goes. I also don't understand because, in his syllabus, my teacher wrote, "There is no right or wrong way to be a writer. If it is structured well, and it is creative, you will receive credit." I have never, before these past two weeks, had anyone who found me completely uncreative and boring.

I suppose everyone has a nemesis that can help you be stronger someday.


Something positive -- I have been tutoring for the American Heritage class. So far this week, I have tutored around 14 people.. and it is the most rewarding job I have ever had! I love being able to help students understand the material -- and it isn't boring to me at all. Some may think that hearing 14 - 20 hours a week of the same history may seem monotonous and repetitious, but I have found it interesting and stimulating. I also love being able to see the light come on in students' eyes as they begin to understand more and more what they need to and want to know. It has convinced me that I definitely want to teach.

However, if I can't pass my creative writing class with a more than satisfactory grade....

A Few Things

I'm sure that it's well known, but I am engaged now! Paul and I have been trying to figure out exactly when to set the date, but we're a little stuck. Because of school starting soon after Christmas, and certain family members that won't be in California at the time we want to get married, we are considering having our wedding and reception different weeks. The direction we are kind of heading for now is our wedding being December 6, having our honeymoon the next week, then moving everything up to our new home in Idaho and getting settled there, then coming home for Christmas with our families and having our reception sometime within that time frame. That will take the stress off of us as school starts because we will already be settled in our new life together:)

My second semester has started this week. So far, I have really been enjoying most of my classes. I have to be honest, however, that my geography class, though easy, shall be the bane of my existence. I have never been subjected to anything more boring. However, the teacher seems very lenient, and the course itself isn't that hard...just, as I said, ridiculously boring. However, I so far LOVE my Creative Writing class. The first day, we received a taste of what the semester will be like as we were all asked to take a scrap of paper and write one line of poetry on it. Our teacher collected our words and then copied them all onto the computer screen and asked us to rearrange the random lines into a coherent and interesting poem. It was a wonderful and exciting exercise that has made the class seem great already.

Unfortunately, though Monday and Tuesday were warm and beautiful, the green grass reflecting the soft sunlight, today proved cold and gray, and as I was dismissed from my Eternal Marriage Prep class, I walked outside to find that it was... SNOWING! Shall I ever be granted a reprieve? While the snow did come later, this seemed to be the cause for the depressed and annoyed mood I felt this morning. How interesting it is that my mood be so affected by the sun! I've asked Paul already if it is possible for us to live somewhere warmer when we get married. I don't care where, as long as the sun shines a majority of days.

At any rate, this is a small and rather poorly detailed update on my life as it is today:)

Ridiculous -- A Mockery and Annoyance of and with America's Inept Teachers

I may sound conceited, but I know a good paper when I have read one and I know a good paper when I have written one. I am currently angry with uneducated teachers, they not being my own, but Paul's. Now this might sound ridiculous that I care so much, but Paul's English teacher has made me very annoyed.

When Paul was here last weekend (or was it already two now?), he had a five page paper he needed to write, and since we were pressed for time to spend together, I helped him with it by helping him reword some things, find some resources, and by editing it for him. Sure, there were a few things I would have written differently, but I know enough about peer editing (reading and editing others' papers), that I know how to be honest and fair. I would have given his paper an A-, or perhaps a B+ if I wasn't feeling very nice;)

He waited a week and a half in anticipation for a grade sure to be better than his previous papers. However, we were both disappointed and dejected when he logged on to his class website, only to find he had gotten an 80%. A B-? Ridiculous! Now, I know I am not the most accomplished writer, and I also know that I am 18 and a freshman in college, but like I said previous, I know a good paper when I have read and written one, because my overall grade on my papers this semester has been 99%. This is not to sound as if I am above reproach and that, because I helped him, he was guaranteed an amazing paper. However, this was ridiculous. The paper was not a barely-above-C-level paper.

I would have perhaps been mollified had the teacher left a few good comments concerning weaknesses and strengths, and perhaps a few changes that he felt could have made. However, when this morning I finally was able to read the comments he typed into the margins of Paul's paper, I felt even more annoyed -- hence the post.

My favorite of his comments was, "We use the word 'people' today." Paul's sentence had been something to the effect of, "Since the beginning of the sporting world as man knows it, ....." (Is there anything wrong with that sentence? Is it too archaic for your post-modern, uneducated mind?) My second objection, overall, to this mediocre teacher is the fact that EVERY one of his comments after that said something to the effect of, "Good usage of...." Then at the bottom, "80/100", shortly after the, "STRONG Works Cited Page!" comment.

Let's be honest. This teacher is a perfect example of today's inept group of teachers. Anyone who knows how to read would have found Paul's paper at least relatively well-written, even if it was not an interesting subject. Which, by the way, it was not, which leads me to my next problem with this teacher.

For everyone who grew up with parents who sheltered you from inappropriate media, this teacher decided to get revenge on your family by making you pay back those years of being careful. So far, Paul has had to read books concerning the selfishness of men and the amazing "Generation Me" that concerns women on the rise (oh, feminism, how I abhor you!), a book about the sex and violence in an L.A. gang, and a book about the war crimes in Africa, and how a child learns to shoot up the town without regret -- all written from a triumphant standpoint, of course.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have been home schooled and private schooled for a good portion of my recent years that makes me so ridiculously upset with the public school world; perhaps it is the fact that, from my A+ view, I can see the biased glasses teachers don when they feel a student is not the best, and consequently never grade above a certain average. Whatever the answer, I despise the lack of propriety in the morality and intellectual ability of the public school system.

I walked to school this morning, the snow swirling around me, but I did not feel the cold. The passion and annoyance I felt for this topic was boiling in my veins. I apologize to you, dear teacher, for my having learned to read the works of Jane Austen and the King James Version of the Bible at the age of ten or less. However, on the contrary, I beg you to read the words and literature that have blessed, shaped, and molded the world since its very foundations, before you believe you are such an authoritative figure in the literature and writing world.

I'm almost there!!

I am so excited to see the end of this semester! I have one final left, and only two of four of my regular classes on Thursday, since my psychology and American heritage classes have been canceled. So far, I have done well on my finals. My worst grade was a 88%... but I must admit that I did not study for my child development test, so I am glad I did as well as I did.

And after Thursday, here comes the sun! I cannot wait to be in beautiful, sunny, warm California! I'm not sure if I will even really need to bring a jacket with me, as the lows in California are higher than the highs in Rexburg!

I am also excited to know that I will have finished my first semester in college. I still can't believe that I am already here that I'm already so old. Sometimes, I still feel like the little girl who likes to play outside, and has never had a job, and whose biggest worry is if Erik will ever reciprocate her admirations. I still wonder at the way time quickly passes, and how I still never feel a day older, though more mature, as time progresses.

Well, I am off to my last class of my English class:( I am a bit sad about that, actually. I have thoroughly enjoyed both my class, and my teacher. The worst part is that she is sick tonight, and cannot even attend class. I will wish I had had the chance to say goodbye. Anyway, farewell, and see you all soon!

Immaturity and Direction

I know that the title of this does not seem to agree with itself, but the past few days have brought a few subjects to mind. In fact, the immaturity I speak of is not my own, but rather part of the psychotic personalities of two of my room mates.

At almost any private college, they have something similar to what we call the Honor Code at BYU-I. This includes not having boys in your bedroom or over past curfew, not wearing spaghetti straps on campus, etc. It also includes being active in whatever church you are a part of (there are non-members here who go to other churches), and quiet hours from 10pm to 8am.

Unfortunately, not everyone who is in a private school believes in the letter, let alone the spirit, of these rules. Four of us in our apartment, Emily, Courtney, Kat, and I, have had problems with two of our room mates, Amy and Kaycee, throughout the semester concerning the Honor Code. Several times, we have had to ask boys to leave when curfew is already past, and had to ask them to not sit in the girls' rooms and socialize, especially when they close the door. It also eventually got to the extreme of Amy's boyfriend spending the night and taking a shower in our bathroom.

Obviously we had reached a problem, and someone, we're actually not sure who, called the Student Honor Office on-campus, who then called each of us into their office for individual meetings.

Two nights ago, things escalated from bad to worse. Amy and Kaycee were obviously angry with us, although it isn't our fault that they broke the rules, and that we told the truth. However, they began doing immature things such as tearing off the paper Valentine's Day hearts Emily had put up on everyone's doors. They continued to rip them up and throw them in front of Emily's door. They also ruined the paper cranes that Courtney had made, throwing them on the kitchen floor.

Since curfew is at midnight, none of us really ever ask for the tv to be turned down, or voices to be lowered until after that time. So, because I'd been unable to go to sleep for the noise coming from Kaycee's room, I finally walked out of my bedroom and down the hall at 12:15 to ask her, Amy, and their friend (who was over past curfew), if they could please be a little more quiet. They all stared at me, then Kaycee very shortly said, "No. We're awake so too bad. Get over it."

I walked back to my bedroom in shock. I wondered if possibly her attitude had been an April Fool's Joke, but it turns out it wasn't. Over the next hour, their noise level increased, as another friend came over. They began fake screaming, laughing loudly, and yelling back and forth to one another over the extreme noise of the tv. I talked to one of my other room mates, and she told me I could call the R.A., which I did immediately. The R.A. said she couldn't really do anything, but that she would talk to them over the phone, and so I walked out to the living room and up to Kaycee. As I handed her my phone, she demanded, "What's this?" I told her it was our R.A., and she scornfully said, "Are you serious?"

I don't happen to know if the R.A. and Kaycee are good friends, but from what I overheard, they must be. Kaycee started laughing and saying how ridiculous it was, and how the R.A. didn't need to be sorry, and they'd see each other later. As the phone call finished, I walked up to Kaycee and held out my hand for my phone. She began yelling at me about how stupid I am and how I do this to them every night, and they aren't ever allowed to make noise if I don't want them to.

I must admit I began yelling back. I was incredibly angry. I told her that I have NOT said anything in the past two months, because I normally take sleeping pills and am knocked out whether there is light or sound. She proceeded to say, "Well shutup and go to your room! Put your stupid ear plugs in and shutup about it!"

I was afraid to leave my room the next morning, for fear of confrontation. I was so unhappy with the fact that I was made to feel so uncomfortable in my own home, that I carefully looked out of my room to make sure Kaycee and Amy were not awake yet, threw on some shoes, and ran down to the manager's office. I told them the entire story, but I'm not sure if they will do anything.

Thankfully, there are only 8 days left with these horrors. While I am on my way to California next Friday, they will be leaving my apartment and moving somewhere else. They may even be getting kicked out; I am not sure yet.

All of that said, there are a lot of people here that are really wonderful. My other room mates are really fun, and while of course they have their own faults, they tend to be more on the normal side of humanity. I suppose I just don't understand why people like Kaycee and Amy are at this school. Similarly, if I had gone to Master's or Biola as originally planned, I'm sure I would have found people there about whom I would have wondered the same things. I am sick of people saying that, "My parents made me come here." You are an adult, no one can force you to come to a school or institution that you disagree with. Stop blaming mommy and daddy, start paying for your own schooling, and go where you want to go. Just don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Anyway, that rant is over... for now.

So as I've continued to consider my major and direction in life, my room mate helped me come to a wonderful conclusion. I could be an English major, psych minor, still get my master's in counseling, and then have the freedom to choose between my two ideal jobs. It will take the same amount of time, have much interest for me, and will end in a wonderful conclusion. I have to be honest, I'm fairly excited about this course. I am glad to slowly be figuring out my wants as far as education go.

The snow is continuing to melt away, although the weather is still not up to par with my expectations of spring. Although temperatures are supposed to be in the high 40's today, it is currently 17 degrees. How I wish I could have seen spring in California. By the time I get there in mid-April (thankfully, coming so soon!), it will nearly be summer:)

Finals are beginning, and somehow I am not frightened. My English final was nearly a joke, no pun intended even though it was given on April Fool's Day. We were given the prompt, "What is one thing you have learned from this class that you believe has benefited you?" then told to write two pages, handwritten. I really believe that was the easiest final I have ever taken since junior high.

I have also rearranged my class schedule a little bit:
M: 1:15-2:45 Interpersonal Communications (3 credits)
T: 9-10 Trigonometry (2 credits)
10:15-11:15 Religion (2 credits)
11:30-1:oo Geography (3 credits)
3:15-4:15 Creative Writing (3 credits)

Wednesday and Thursday are the same as those days, although I also have a 1 credit Geography lab.

Also, yesterday I had an interview and was hired for a tutoring job on-campus for next semester. I am really excited, because the job allows you to make your own hours and it will be good experience for me if I do ever become a teacher. Also, the pay is fairly good for Idaho, at 7.50 an hour.

More exciting than all of that is that Paul found a very good job up here in Rexburg for the summer. He is going to be selling church DVDs through referrals, and can make up to 30k in 14 weeks! They also pay for his rent, and possibly even some of his gas money. I am so excited that he will be here this summer, as will Breanne.

Life is definitely looking a little more promising for the future:)

Sunshine

Music for you to enjoy while you read: (right click and open in a new tab or window)
Click here:)
Then click here:)

I am not sure when it happened, but I walked outside one day and realized the snow had melted a considerable amount. The sun is shining again, and the grass is beginning to turn from brown to green. Granted, it is still only thirty degrees right now, but the sunshine makes life feel more optimistic and hopeful.

As I have continued this past month through school, I began realizing how much I really do enjoy writing. There is comfort to me in the sound of my thoughts being expressed in the depression of the keys on my laptop. I have been thinking more and more about what direction I want to take in school, and though I definitely did not think I would be like everyone else in changing my major my first semester of college, I am considering becoming an English Education major after all. I have had six papers graded of the seven I've written so far, and five of them have come back with 100% written on the top, with a note saying, "I cannot find any weaknesses in you as a writer!" My 94% paper was written in the midst of my pneumonia, and never edited past its first draft. My friends shook their heads in disbelief and said they hardly do that well when they've spent weeks on their papers, and yet it's somehow so natural for me.

I know that you should not major in something and take a course just because you are good at it, but then again, if you have began to love what you are so innately good at, why should you not run in that direction? I do still love the idea of being a family/marriage counselor; however, I must admit that the schooling it will take to get there does not interest me. I have been thinking lately about how I would enjoy teaching English, encouraging young minds to love to read and write and take joy in their personal expression of emotion and thought. I also enjoy reading and editing my peers' papers, and giving them my input and thought.

One thing I know for sure, I am a people person. I enjoy being alone and writing down an account of my day's journeys, but I would never want to work alone. I would never want to be alone in the back room of a warehouse, sorting merchandise or pricing items. I have realized recently how much I really need people. I have realized how much I love talking to people, relating myself to them, and hearing their thoughts and stories. I think this is why I would still love being a counselor, and yet as I have listened to and watched the examples of my teachers more carefully, I have realized I do not want to sit and listen to the problems of society and individuals, but that I would rather shape and mold those who have not yet been ruined by the cold world outside.

Perhaps it sounds as if I have an unrealistic idea of the goodness of teenagers, and the morality and optimism of their minds toward learning. However, I certainly know that there are troublemakers and unwilling children in the hearts of any age of man. I suppose that my point is that I would rather deal with the occasional problem in a high school English class, rather than sign myself up for an overall group of unhappy, fighting couples and immature solutions to adult life.

On a slightly different note, I registered for my summer semester classes last week and may have overloaded myself. I suppose I feel like I will try out the classes the first week and go from there, because I am able to drop up to six credits and still be what is considered full-time at this school (which is fourteen credits). Yes, it is true; I am registered for twenty credits as of now. This next semester I have signed up for the required religion class (three credits), a "real world" math class (three credits, but which, thankfully, is the only math class required for an English major:)) an intro to geography (three credits) and its lab (one credit), an interpersonal communications class (three credits), a social problems (sociology) class (three credits), a visual arts lab (one credit, consisting of being present at various plays and concerts throughout the semester), and a creative writing class (three credits). I am especially excited about the creative writing class. I only today signed up for that class, the occasion being providential in that I signed up over a week past the last registration date (those of us with few credits are pushed to the end) and there was one opening left in a class that fit my already-full schedule.

I am also excited for the last day of school, because I am going home to California for a week during the break between semesters! I have plans already to visit the beach and go on picnics, and generally enjoy the sun. I think that I will die if it happens to be raining all that week that I am home enjoying the Golden State:)

Although I am sure I could continue writing for another hour or two, updating the world on my entire life, I will end here and attempt to finish some of my psychology homework:)



p.s. I think everyone who reads my blog reads my sister's blog and is updated by her emails as well, but this picture of Caleb is so cute that I have to post it!

Consideration

It's cold today. The air is white with damp, cold fog. The ground is wet with melting snow, and the grass that is visible is brown and dead. The atmosphere is drab and the feeling disconcerting. Those who have not grown up with the sun, the sand, and the waves available in California don't understand their influence on my very existence, and the dramatic difference it makes in my mood and happiness.

I'm considering CalPoly San Luis Obispo again for school. I have another year and a half of general education requirements before I can transfer, but since I dislike Idaho so much and still love the idea of San Luis Obispo so much, I think the money would be worth it to me. Perhaps I could even stay home in California and go to junior college there starting in the fall. Perhaps I could go to junior college in San Luis after all, as I had planned before.

Whatever it is that I decide, I know that I like school, and I even like this particular college and atmosphere, but the weather and boring life of this state is pushing me away. I've decided I hate the cold; I hate the snow, and I hate winter. I am a California girl through and through, and I'm ready to go home.

The problem is finances. I don't know where I will live in California. I don't know how I'll pay rent or how I'll find a place to live. Idaho really is the ideal place for the middle-class student. But to me, it feels worth it to go into a little bit of debt to feel happier, more settled, and home.

Frustration and Amazement

I haven't really figured out how to talk about this without sounding conceited or unsympathetic towards others. However, school is too easy for me. I'm not being challenged. So far, college has been a joke. I have written three papers, and all of them have been graded 100%. My lowest grade in my classes is, I believe, 93%, and I rarely do homework. I'm not sure if it's just me, or if my classes are just incredibly easy, but I'm wondering when the work is going to start. Part of me wants to just stop doing my homework and dare my teachers to give me a bad grade - I hardly do anything anyway, so why would less do much harm?

I experienced this during my senior year of high school, also. My English class was too easy. I did a week's worth of homework the night before it was due, and received an A+ in the class. I didn't like my math class, so I stopped doing homework and still pulled off a B. I stopped going to my Spanish class and stopped doing my homework, and, just from doing tests, I got a C+. The B and C+ are bad grades for me, but I am almost happy now that I finally received reactions from my teachers.

To be honest, it felt nice the first time for my college writing teacher to say, "You are an amazing writer; I cannot find any weaknesses!" However, I now feel disappointed. I'm 18, and I've never been in any real, formal writing classes, besides those given in public schools. I cannot be naturally perfect; there must be something to critique.

I also am in three classes where I don't have to write a single paper. This does not feel like college to me. This feels easier than high school, to be honest. In my government class my senior year, I wrote a two-page paper every week, not to mention the large amount of reading I'd do, as well as a weekly multiple choice quiz, a midterm, and a final. In my American Heritage class (which covers both government and economics, as well as the complete history of America - sounds intense, but it's not), I have nothing more than five fifty-question exams throughout the semester - nothing being comprehensive.

In summary, I suppose I expected college to be harder. Part of me wonders what would have happened if I'd gone to a public high school and taken AP classes - would I be at Princeton right now? I also am ready to be challenged, or I know I will begin to slack off.

On a completely different note, I still can't believe I am in college. I used to look at my sister as so grown up and mature when she went away to school. Now, I'm in her shoes and I still feel like that eight year old. I was walking home today, thinking about all the things I need to do this week, such as laundry, homework, work, and classes, and yet I don't feel old enough to take on those things. Yet at the same time, I am anxious to continue growing up, to finish college, and to get a family and a real job.

I know those things will come eventually, but for now, I am amazed I am even in Idaho.