I'm beginning to wonder if... this Creative Writing class just isn't for me. Maybe it isn't so much the teacher; maybe it is just me. I'm not really sure. I've always considered myself a good writer, but when I sit in that class, I just feel out of my element.
First of all, as I've said before, I feel as though everything I write isn't good enough, is completely uninteresting, or is just plain not what the teacher likes. Am I the only one that faces this woe? It certainly seems so. Secondly, today is a good example of why I don't feel like this is my type of writing --
"Let's do a practice exercise. Write 1 paragraph about the physical characteristics of a character you have been working on for a while."
I blankly sit and stare at my paper. A character I've been working on for a while? Right... I finally wrote something down, but it was basically just the dark version of how I view myself.
"Next, write down your character's mental, spiritual, emotional traits."
Now I am just making things up. I go off of how my dark character looks and make up random words that seem to match her hair color.
"What are a few mistakes your character needs to make in order for your story to work?"
Story? What story? Have I been thinking of a story for all of these years also? Whatever. Definitely not me, but the character makes the mistake of crashing her car because she drives home drunk.
Wow. Really, I felt like the weirdo in that class. We broke up into groups and talked about our "well-thought" characters, and this girl starts talking about how she has had this character, and written about this character since she was 14. The character's physical appearance is well-developed, and she knows her inside and out. She is a medieval character, masculine... not quite gorgeous but beautiful in her own way....
Right. And my story is just a grown up version of what I wrote about in 5th grade.
Honestly, I love reading. I also love writing. Just not this type of writing. Maybe fictional stories just aren't my forte and I have to wait until we get into creative non-fiction. I'm not sure. All I know is that it makes no sense to me that, while I can write any academic essay and impress a crowd, I don't even enjoy making up things that can't possibly be true. Not that I don't enjoy them; as I said, I love to read. The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Twilight are all exceptional books in my opinion -- yet completely, utterly ridiculous from a real-world standpoint. Personally, I like making satire of the reality of everyday life.
Anyway, it's obviously far, far too late to drop this class; and even if I could, if English does continue to be my major, I'll have to stick it through sometime. But what if I do end up changing my major, again? Eh, oh well. I guess it isn't a complete waste of time.