Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Carefree

When I was five years old, I was a kindergartner at Turlock Christian. I remember those days really well. I remember playing in the huge, two story playhouse they had built in the kindergarten room, and loving to sing one song in particular that allowed me to swing my head back and forth and feel my ponytail hit the sides of my face. I also remember swinging on the swing set with one of my friends and singing "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" from the Lion King. I remember the sun shining bright on my face and feeling only one thing - happiness.

For some reason, that scene comes to mind often lately. It seems like whenever I'm in the middle of a situation that is overwhelming me, or makes me feel like I just want to give up and cry, I remember that memory, those days of being carefree. Things haven't been going the best lately, and often I wish I could just go back and be that hardly-five year-old, swinging and singing at the top of her lungs. I wish I could go back and have the sunshine on my face, and not worrying about anything, in that moment.

It makes me wish I hadn't wished a lot of my life away. I'm realizing now that as hard as things seemed at the time, I had things pretty darn good at ten, twelve, fifteen years old. But the more I wish my life away, the harder it seems to get. But how to stop wishing for tomorrow? I'm always looking forward to something tomorrow - family coming home, favorite holiday, trips to favorite places, moving to new places, starting new things -- how do I stop?! How can I enjoy this moment?

Here are five things I am grateful for to try to keep me in today:

1) My husband. Even though we fight occasionally because sometimes we're as different as oil and water, I know that we do love each other.
2) My family. I know I can count on them when I need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to, or some excitement for even mediocre news.
3) A job. Isn't that something we all should be grateful for? Even though I'm only working about 12-14 hours a week, and Paul is working enough for both of us, most of our needs are being provided for.
4) Vacation. Soon enough, school will start. And as much as I love learning and being in school, I'm always glad to take the chance to read a book I haven't been able to finish for a while.
5) A God who can calm my storms, no matter how big they are.

I know I'll never really stop wishing for the next thing to happen in life. But for today, I'll try to remember that, that carefree moment in time I'm remembering is just that - a moment. My life wasn't perfect then, and it certainly isn't perfect now. But I can take the time to have a carefree moment of gratefulness and happiness.


"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm." -Mark 4:39

3 comments:

Daniel said...

"God restores that which has passed by" - Ecc. 3:15

It's one of the coolest things in the world to know that our God is a *sentimental* God. He seeks to restore all of this world's real beauty; even things like a young 5-year-old girl's carefree summer days!

I think this is part of what heaven is all about. It's where all the best strands of our life will finally come together.

It's funny you bring this topic up, namely "enjoying the moment" because I think it's the very thing God's been teaching me. Take it from your three-decade-old brother, you're never to old to start savoring each second of each day.

Today, for example, you should really set aside and dedicate some serious time to just sit quietly and reflect on & appreciate how awesome your brother is. ok, cool.. just let me know how it goes...

Chad and Clair said...

When we first moved back to California I had this restless feeling. I was always looking forward to tomorrow as well. Unhappy with today. Then I came across this: "Anyone who imagines that life is bliss is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of toleration and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.
Life is like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally bt beautiful cistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting us have the ride."
Keeping a good attitude is hard but you are a determined person! I'm so glad we've become such good friends and will be so sad to see you and Paul leave us in August.

Rebecca said...

Awww, I remember that little 5-year-old girl! This post made me get a bit teary-eyed. . . maybe because I now have a soon-to-be (time goes so fast that another year and a half really is SOON) 5-year-old of my own and I love looking at the world through his eyes.

Dan is right--I think God will take great delight in seeing his little children laughing and enjoying the light of heaven (Himself, since there won't be a sun!)--carefree for all eternity! Pretty awesome to think about. And the funny thing about wishing for that day to come is that it makes today all the better.