For some reason, that scene comes to mind often lately. It seems like whenever I'm in the middle of a situation that is overwhelming me, or makes me feel like I just want to give up and cry, I remember that memory, those days of being carefree. Things haven't been going the best lately, and often I wish I could just go back and be that hardly-five year-old, swinging and singing at the top of her lungs. I wish I could go back and have the sunshine on my face, and not worrying about anything, in that moment.
It makes me wish I hadn't wished a lot of my life away. I'm realizing now that as hard as things seemed at the time, I had things pretty darn good at ten, twelve, fifteen years old. But the more I wish my life away, the harder it seems to get. But how to stop wishing for tomorrow? I'm always looking forward to something tomorrow - family coming home, favorite holiday, trips to favorite places, moving to new places, starting new things -- how do I stop?! How can I enjoy this moment?
Here are five things I am grateful for to try to keep me in today:
1) My husband. Even though we fight occasionally because sometimes we're as different as oil and water, I know that we do love each other.
2) My family. I know I can count on them when I need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to, or some excitement for even mediocre news.
3) A job. Isn't that something we all should be grateful for? Even though I'm only working about 12-14 hours a week, and Paul is working enough for both of us, most of our needs are being provided for.
4) Vacation. Soon enough, school will start. And as much as I love learning and being in school, I'm always glad to take the chance to read a book I haven't been able to finish for a while.
5) A God who can calm my storms, no matter how big they are.
I know I'll never really stop wishing for the next thing to happen in life. But for today, I'll try to remember that, that carefree moment in time I'm remembering is just that - a moment. My life wasn't perfect then, and it certainly isn't perfect now. But I can take the time to have a carefree moment of gratefulness and happiness.
"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm." -Mark 4:39